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"Surreal Descent"
March 14, 2015 -- Day One in Pensacola
Approach into Pensacola International Airport (PNS) on Southwest Flight 1329 from Houston with the Gulf Coast on the horizon.
This was only the second time in nine years that I have traveled back to Pensacola. The story behind this trip is only one part of a longer journey going back to 1969 when our family first moved to the Gulf Coast. The reason was to settle some long overdue issues--a complicated, tragic, and sad process. It is not something I wanted or needed.
Image taken with GoPro Hero 4 Black. Original image processed with Aperture 3. Then exported three versions at 0, +1, -1 and reprocessed with Photomatix Pro. A cheat way for an HDR image.
Final image recipe is "surreal" in Photomatix -- which pretty much described the upcoming week.
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"Herd through a Tube"
March 4, 2015 — Rocky Mountain Arsenal
This was one those "little kid in me" moments. Binoculars in one hand, iPhone in another--wondering what would happen if I put the two together.
It was not an easy thing to do: focusing the binoculars, lining up the lenses, and hitting the capture button.
One technique with the iPhone when using the native photo app is to connect your headphones and use the volume + button to release the shutter. I did not do it here, but it would have been easier.
In the end, it does have creative potential.
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"Standing Guard"
March 3, 2015 --
One of my favorite places to go in Denver is the Rocky Mountain Arsenal. It is quiet and off the beaten path of visitors. There is a rich history behind the refuge from early settlers, to displacement for a war, German Prisoners of War, and now a wildlife refuge.
The secret to a shot like this is patience. Many times I will go to a part of the refuge and just wait. Sometimes an hour or two, or more. The chances of a "drive-by" shot like this are just about impossible.
Canon 5D Mark II, EF 70-200mm f/2.8
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"Dune Sunset"
March 16, 2015 -- Day Three in Pensacola
Another day of waiting.
I went down to Johnson Beach on Perdido Key to listen to the water and watch the sun set.
These are the painted colors of "it's going to be ok."
Canon 5D Mark II with EF 24-105mm f/4L IS.
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"White Magnolia"
March 27, 2015--
Flowers (plants) have a beauty from a distance, but up close they reveal a whole new world of unexplored shapes and textures. They straddle the line between reality and abstract.
EOS-M EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro, illumination with mini LED work-light wrapped with a 1/2 CTO Warming Gel
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"Iris"
May 3, 2015--
This is my favorite macro shots this season. Beyond the purple tones, the shape reminds me of the waves at the beach.
EOS-M EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro -- prior to the shot, I "misted" the pedals with a water sprayer to give the image the morning dew effect.
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"Fort Barrancas"
March 17, 2015 -- Day Four in Pensacola
This is the view of the entrance to Pensacola Bay from Fort Barrancas. The small finger of land to the left is where Fort Pickens stands. To the right, the beginning of Gulf Shores National Seashore. This image on itself is boring. It is just like thousands of others. There is nothing new or exciting to see here.
The significance of this image--to me--is in its story.
At some point over a hundred years ago, a soldier stood on this very spot that I am now standing. Around him, there were wars raging. At other times, Geronimo was a prisoner at Fort Pickens. Plane crashed on training missions into the Gulf of Mexico. The Blue Angels performed. A part of Jaws 2 was filmed on the beach at Fort Pickens and on.
More recently, this spot witnessed the drama of a hurricane that roared through the panhandle destroying much of the waterfront. Hundred plus mile an hour winds blew across this spot.
There are scores of other stories that this place was witness to--peaceful and dramatic. Happy--sad.
Despite it all, nothing has destroyed its being. The view remains.
The scores of stories collected here were reflective of this day. It started peaceful, then exploded into a hurricane. Like a storm, I did not ask for the events that followed. They were wrong and the full story is sad. As I was enduring the nonsense, I remembered the fort and its endurance through quiet strength.
Things that are built strong that have a solid foundation can withstand anything--even a hurricane. Storms come, then they eventually go away. They do not last forever. When they pass, the skies repaint themselves from gray to bright blue. The winds die down. The strong stuff remains standing regardless. The important things that get damaged, we rebuild. The crap and unnecessary stuff that is left over gets thrown away.
Then, life goes on.
Canon 5D Mark II with EF 24-105mm f/4L IS--The lesson here is take pictures (or draw or write) of the things that mean something to you. Set aside trying to impress someone else.
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"Remembrance"
March 18, 2015 -- Day Five in Pensacola
This is the grave of my father and mother at Barrancas National Cemetery.
During the week in Florida, I spent at least a couple of hours a day here. One day four. Cemeteries are not always places of joy, but I find the peace and quiet comforting. A place you can reflect on your own life.
I came here looking for answers and guidance.
The silence was deafening the first three days.
On the fourth day, I was writing down a stream of consciousness and the encouragement I needed came. The words were clear. The foundation of my fort solidified.
It was simple: “Keep your chin up; do the right thing.”
Then from my father: “If I could fix it I would, but I did not have a choice.”
That is all I needed.
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Three Years Ago
May 30, 2017--
Today is the third anniversary of my mother's funeral.
As I reflect back on the celebration of her life, I am left with these thoughts of resolution:
"You left our world for something better.
We both knew it would happen this way long before it became a reality.
Tomorrows are never guaranteed.
In another time, another place, without distractions, without the factions of jealousy, maybe we could have truly arrived at the same place. I stood alone half the way there.
I know you let me go long before death was a possibility, but I also let go and found peace long before you found your's.
I knew what you meant when you said that "never was ok.” Those words still haunt, but I understand them.
I know the pain of what its like not to be wanted. My understanding of that pain became courage for me.
I grew to comprehend the “whys.” The understanding gave me strength and steadfast independence.
Despite it all, I remained devotedly loyal. I did not allow others to wedge in, triangulate, nor take advantage. The things you told me in confidence remain in confidence to this day.
This is the beginning of my own autumn.
I am in a much better place because I learned that being vulnerable is not a weakness, but a strength.
Emotions and feelings are ok. We are only hurt if we allow others to hurt us.
Our relationship is unique and special.
Others may judge, but those judgements are based on insecurity.
We share equally in our mistakes.
There will never be a voice that speaks to me for you.
The irony is that those voices are the same people who disrespected you.
Rest peacefully knowing that I have learned from our time.
Most importantly, our experience taught me to forgive."
(149-B/365)
2014_05_30_IMG_2306RosemarieIreneJandruckoCooperfuneralobituarypensacolacemeterydeathreconciliationremembrance
"Compass for the Storm"
June 7, 2015 -- Fort Pickens, Florida
Not better said:
"Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky."
~Rabindranath Tagore
EOS M
"Yellow Columbine"
June 14, 2015--
First Draft...
I woke up this morning, wrote for a bit, then headed out to the garden collect a few images for next year's calendar.
This is one of the images that stood out from those that I took. The depth of field, the color and the very slight movement from a morning wind bring an abstraction that stopped me in my tracks when I saw it on a bigger screen.
How do we miss images like this?
How does this get lost in the day-to-day noise of living life?
These questions are rhetorical--we know how they get lost. They are lost because we are worried about "other things."
We don't take the breath of just being in the moment.
We are here in this life for only a relatively short period of time. In the larger scheme of history, it is less than a dot. Our lives are nothing more than a punctuation mark. Then, as fast as it happened--life is over.
The life of a plant is even less. The blooming season lulls us into a false sense of security--the assumption that there will be another year. Lulled into tomorrow will always happen.
Which does not always happen.
Canon EOS M with EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro Lens at F/2.8.
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"Colorado Sky"
July 23, 2015--
After working on probate issues, we had to get out. We packed up and took the dogs to Lake Dillon.
There is nothing that clears the mind than getting outside and walking.
There is nothing that reprioritizes life than watching the pure joy of the dogs exploring new smells and playing in the water.
We only have to stop, look and listen for the things that are important in life--as blinding as the obvious most always is, the things that matter are not material or monetary.
On this hike I paused and looked up at the skyline. Its better now, but I feel an incredible sorry for those who never see.
As the long-time resident of Key West--Hemingway--once said: “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is the trust them.”
GoPro Hero 4 Black
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"Sleepy Hollow Country Club" or "Almost Lost Forever"
August 4, 2015--
On the last visit to my mother’s house in Florida, there was a tarnished bowl-looking piece of metal on the step to the front door. It looked like something worthless—trash. Maybe it was a part off the front light. Maybe it was intentionally put there for water or food for a wandering cat.
As I was leaving I picked the bowl up and headed to the trash to pitch it. I was spinning it around in my hands as I walked. Then I glanced down and saw the words “sterling” stamped onto the bottom of the bowl.
My initial reaction was curiosity. What was a sterling bowl doing outside unprotected in the weather. I flipped the bowl over to the front. Through the tarnish I could see that the outer edge was engraved. I rubbed some of the tarnish off with my thumb and could make out the words “Sleepy Hollow.” This stopped me in the middle of the driveway. Sleepy Hollow is the town in New York that is next to the town my parents grew up in.
I rubbed more of the tarnish and weather off the bowl. The words “George and Hazel Cooper” became visible. The date “1950.” All of engraved by hand. Today, it is done by a machine, then it was by someone’s hand.
The bowl was a runner-up trophy for a 1950 Mixed Two Ball Golf Championship that my grandparents had played in.
I ran the dates through my head. In 1950, my father was fifteen years old. My mother was twelve. My uncle--my father's brother--was nine.
How the bowl found its way outside does not matter. It is with me now—polished and safe. It sits on my desk. Despite the scratches, dents and permanent stains, its value is beyond anything that money could provide. It has my promise that it will remain within my family for many more generations to come.
All it takes is a moment. If I had not glanced down and noticed the word sterling, this family heirloom would be lost to the trash never to be seen again.
Beyond the memories that this bowl brings, beyond the story of how I found it, it is a reminder to me to take the time to be in the moment. Once you miss something in that moment, it is gone forever.
2015_08_04 iPhone IMG_3022George and Hazel CooperCooperHeirloomSleep Hollow Country Club1950Mixed Two Ball ChampionshipgolftournamentfamilySleepy HollowTarrytownNew York
The Sailor
April 2, 2016 -
My Dad joined the Navy at age 17.
He walked into the recruiter's office in New York and declared, "I would like to join the Navy."
"Do your parents know that you are here?" the Recruiter asked.
"Yes sir," my Dad replied.
"Then, sign here."
Off to Boot Camp he went, then A School, and onward to Kamiseya, Japan.
Templeton Road in Pensacola, Florida
April 5, 2016 --
"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." ~ Hemingway
This past September the house that had been in our family for forty-six years was sold.
It was the first house that my parents’ owned—and my parents were the first owners. The pride my father had for this house was frustrating as a child, but inspirational as an adult. It was fitting that he took his last breaths and passed peacefully from this life with the woman he loved here.
Unfortunately, all of the memories are overshadowed by absolutely unnecessary drama.
The house should have stayed in the family, but that was never possible. Signing the papers and letting it go became easier because of the turmoil of emotion that came to symbolize the house’s very existence.
The house should have never been about money. It should have been a symbol of unity, family, history, and unconditional love. Instead, the house became a symbol of insecurity, the need to be in control, over-the-top self-indulgent drama, deceit, greed, pretentiousness, and lying. The details of this story are sad and embarrassing. The unnecessary emotional damage is permanent. I know the disappointment that my parents share in how this chapter ended.
In the end despite the pain, I am grateful for a process that reconciled my emotions through my life so far. While I could not make it better, I wake up every morning with a clear heart.
I believe in forgiveness. I believe in Karma.
"Life on Mars"
May 7, 2016--
"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." ~ Marcus Aurelius
iPhone 6s--image mastered with Pixelmator and Snapseed.
Purple Delphinium
Canon 5D Mark II with EF 100mm f/2.8 USM Macro lens; image post in Aperture 3.6. I put the sun in the back ground to highlight the edges, then reflected the light back to front.
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